#NoFilter #Nomakeup for a Passport Picture

I had to renew my visa and for that I needed to go for a medical blood test yesterday.

When I produced a passport picture, of me as a nubile 16 year old (one I had personally gone to the photo studio and asked them to retake the picture until it was perfect), I was told I needed a recent passport picture.

Oh, the horror! 

A lot of people are apprehensive about the needle when they go for the blood test. Me? I was struck with terror at the thought of the passport picture, but who can blame me with masterpieces like this:

Savannah, aged 10. No that was not a cool lightning shaped scar, that was just flyaway frizz from that bangin' haircut.

To make matters worse, I had practically rolled out of bed, unconcerned about putting on makeup because who was I trying to impress in the government office?!

Sitting in queue, the panic mounted as the line to take the picture became shorter and shorter. I didn't have any time to run to the bathroom to carefully apply a layer of makeup to shield me from the unforgiving lens of the heartless picture taker.

We were lambs to the slaughter, one miserable person after the other, cowering under the glare of the harsh fluorescent lighting and the barked orders of "Sit straight!" and "Chin down!"

Finally it was my turn and like Mufasa speaking to Simba from the beyond in Lion King I heard the voice of Tyra Banks in my head saying "Smize, Savannah, Smize".

In my head I thought, I got this! I'm going to look fierce! 

Yeah... More like feral.

I could have been an extra on The Walking Dead.

All those selfies on Instagram. Was it all just the filter? Was it all an elaborate lie? Was this what I really looked like?

So I just took a #nofilter #nomakeup selfie, in broad daylight and I've come to the conclusion that passport pictures are definitely the work of Satan.

I mean, it's not perfect, but at least I could pass for someone with a pulse.

If there is anyone out there with an equally bad passport picture, don't be shy! Share it with the world -- no one's perfect all the time, and in the Age of the Selfie, it's all the more important to remember that!

What it's like to go 31 days without a smartphone

I've been pretty MIA this past month and let me tell you why.

I lost my phone.

I was pretty heartbroken about it, but like everyone was quick to tell me, while looking up for 5 seconds from their own phone screens, things could be worse. At least I had my health.

It's not a particularly unique case of a missing phone. I was out with a few friends, the next day when I looked for my phone to look at the (probably terrible) selfies from last night, I realized what happened.

It was heartwrenching. Everything, EVERYTHING was on that phone.

Phone numbers, notes, appointments, Google maps which I relied to navigate around Dubai (I'm the worst), my alarms for work (I had at least five), pictures, videos, my really cute polka dot phone cover that everyone hated.

We did what we could to try and locate the phone - I had installed the lose my Android app with GPS which shows you the last location before the phone died, we deduced it was probably in the cab, but after many calls to RTA, there was no answer about the phone and the case was closed. People told me to lodge a case with Dubai Police, in case the phone was stolen, but I knew at that point it was pretty much hopeless. The phone was gone for good.

40 days? Why did you go that long without a phone?

I didn't. A week later, I caved and decided to upgrade to a newer version of my old phone. Unluckily for me, upon opening the box the first day, I discovered the device was defective. Long story short, after multiple visits to the seller, and a lot of struggles with the management, I handed back the phone and got my refund.

By strange coincidence, all this happened around the time of the iPhone 6 launch, and the Middle East's largest electronics event, Gitex, where they planned to release it to the public.

I read every blog post, watched every product review, and every news article about the iPhone 6. #Bendgate had me a little concerned but I have the upper body strength of a toddler, and wouldn't bend my phone like a very expensive Twizzler anytime soon.

In the meantime, I used a replacement phone without any internet data package (I felt like I was living in 2004 again).

On the day of the launch I headed there, braved the throngs of people and went up to the first seller I saw -

Me: "Do you have -"

Seller: "The iPhone 6. Nope, all sold out."

This was Day 30 without a smartphone. Getting home after pushing myself out of the swarm of shoppers, I was sweaty, exhausted and emotions were running high.

My concerned sister went online and purchased an iPhone 6 from JadoPado (a Godsend) and I had the phone a day later.

I was overjoyed.

31 days of endurance without a smartphone. With having to sit and watch other people happily using their own phones.

Source: Gifly

Of being the last one to dish out on anything new or be up to date with news.

Source: Gifly

Resorting to desperate measures to appear less awkward in public. (Image source: Gifly)

Of missing that 15 minutes of bliss in bed before sleeping.

Of not taking any selfies. When I got my hair cut, it made friends and coworkers do a double take since they hadn't seen any pictures online. I think people may have forgotten what I looked like completely.

Source: Gifly

Of not being able to surreptitiously glance at my phone when I was bored, or when I needed to Google something or Shazam a song, or show someone something cool.

Ooops, I can't.  (Image source: Gifly)

I know there were a few times I was glad I didn't have a phone.  I went to Lady Gaga's Monster Ball and Zedd in Dubai. Both were absolutely amazing, and even better because I wasn't one of the hundreds of other concert-goers with raised hands recording blurry footage on their phones, and Snapchatting selfies to make their friends at home jealous.

Source

Or realizing how rude it was when people were on their phones constantly during a meal or at the cinema.

Source: Gifly

I saw this video that went viral that talks about the social media age we are in currently. It makes you think about taking a break from your phone and appreciating real life once in a while.

I watched it from my iPhone, oh well.

So what have you guys been up to? Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter or in the comments below. I can finally talk to you guys and I'm so glad I can!

How to get your hair dyed purple in Dubai

I've been having severe hair envy lately, and it's for crazy hair colours. 

So I bought some hair dye online and went to my go-to hair salon in Karama to get it done.

I know what you're thinking. Karama? Really? 

You don't understand, I have severe trust issues when it comes to hairdressers (and men), and have basically been going to the same salon I've been going to since I received by first bowl haircut (at the time bowl cuts were at the height of toddler chic) and whenever I get my hair done, it's always been a good job.

My trusted hairdresser, Chimi, greeted me and didn't bat an eyelash when I told her I wanted purple hair, so I took it as a sign of good faith that she knew her sh*t.

As I sat in the chair waiting for the bleach to do its business there seemed to be a lot of interest in the fact that I was getting my hair dyed purple. Especially since the tub of dye looked like this:

Oh, I had reason to panic alright!

After my hair was bleached, I noticed that my hair looked... not that bleached. I asked Chimi, who confidently said, "This bleach enough, red, purple, same thing. It works."

So I shut up and sat while another hairdresser, Pouffy applied the purple dye. Pouffy, whose real name is actually Erika I later found, has been rocking the same lady mullet hairstyle since the 80's. (She doesn't know I call her Pouffy in my mind, thank God. I'm a bit frightened of her).

This is why I think of her as Pouffy.

As I waited for the purple dye to do it's business, curious salon-goers asked me why I wanted to dye my hair purple.

"Just wanted to try something different with my hair. I'm just a bit bored."

While getting the dye washed out, I anxiously asked Chimi, "Is it purple?"

"Um... It looks sort of brown. Maybe it's the dye?"

"The dye is purple."

"I don't know, it doesn't look purple... maybe it's because the hair is wet. Let's wait and see."

Well, we waited, and we saw. I think Chimi highly overestimated her purple hair dyeing skills.

The result? Well, not what I intended, but I guess it is different, and definitely not as bad as it could have gone.

Yay for unintentional ombre?

You have to look really really hard to see the purple. (My hair is on the right, the hair I wanted is left)

I decided I wouldn't do anything to correct it, bleaching your hair really takes a lot out of it.

I'm going to wait and do my hair in one of the salons reputed for crazy colour hair dyeing, haven't decided which one yet, but I've found a few Dubai bloggers who've succeeded in awesome hair.

Sara, from Sara in Dubai. Photo credit

Kate from Desert Twins. Photo credit

If you, like me, are suffering from hair envy, check out their hair salon experiences and let me know if you have had mishaps/any luck at salons yourself! 

Links:

Desert Twins

Sara in Dubai 

Find me on Twitter, Facebook or talk to me in the comments below!

On Women Empowerment in Music, Advertising & Social Media: Feminism at its best or worst?

Not sure if this was planned, but 3 songs were released in quick succession of one another, and they all are about empowering women about acknowledging their beauty (I wonder if this is something that's decided is "on-trend" now by research analysts and big recording labels decide to run with it.)

Altogether not a new concept for sure, anyone who's been alive the past few years has undoubtedly come across one or two Dove real beauty viral videos or tried to get One Direction's "You don't know you're beautiful" out of their heads), but I kind of dig the new wave of positivity, acceptance and self awareness in the media these days concerning women empowerment and female body image.

If you, like me, found yourself pretty much bawling after John Legend's video, here's a lighthearted debut from Meghan Trainor. A fun, cute-sy song that may be bordering on skinny hate and pandering to men - "Yeah my momma she told me don't worry about your size. She says, boys they like a little more booty to hold at night."

If you think I'm a little harsh, that's nowhere near the criticism John Legend's song has received from Buzzfeed and New Republic with statements like "Don't tell us we don't know we're beautiful, and certainly don't tell us that our ignorance to this fact is our best quality. We're good."

The Internet is never happy, really.

But I think advertising campaigns choosing to forgo photoshop like Aerie's unretouched lingerie ads at the start of the year, or Vanessa Hudgen's endorsed clothing campaign is a step in the right direction. Even with all the hate #nomakeupselfie campaign received, if all it takes is a little selfie to make a teen girl feel better about herself at a time when it's common to experience crippling low-self esteem, then what's the harm, right? 

Always #LikeAGirl was another campaign done right recently, where the words "Like a Girl" were reclaimed from being a derogatory remark to something that cannot be categorized in anyway, and attempted somewhat to shatter a cultural cliche of demeaning women with those words. Far from shattering social media records, I think a true victory was a comment from a father on Facebook who wrote "When I watched #LikeaGirl, I cried like a boy".

You're probably wondering how feminism comes into play here, oh and believe me it does. I won't delve too deeply into a topic so hotly discussed, but what I will say is that feminism is all about power in a woman's decision, and freedom to choose. It's about equality.

So in terms of videos where you're told "you don't have to try so hard" by putting your makeup on, getting your nails done, curling your hair, running that extra mile, "so they like you", who's to say women don't do all those things to make themselves happy, and it's not all about pleasing other people?

Should videos presume to think that women do all these things out of insecurity alone? Can't women just be free to do whatever they want without their actions being judged and condemned?

With that note, I'll leave you with a link to one of my favorite bloggers in Dubai. LuAnne, of Weesha's World,  a plus-size fashion blogger who has killer style and oodles of confidence, who DGAF about the world's messed up beauty standards.

LuAnne of Weesha's World. (Image credit)

Check out Luanne's posts on body image here.
There's also Hello Giggles, founded by the Queen of Quirk herself, Zooey Deschanel, which is a positive online community for women, you can find anything from fashion, beauty, pop culture and everything in between. Check out their Facebook page here, and website here.

What did you think about the music videos and viral campaigns? Do you feel it's empowering to women? Let me know your thoughts on Twitter, Facebook or in the comments below!

Censorship in Dubai: My experiences, as a Dubai born and raised 20 something

Censorship is a somewhat controversial topic in Dubai.

Which is why this is more of a tongue-in-cheek look at what I've experienced, being born and raised in Dubai. (There's a point I'm leading up to, you'll have to read on until the end to find out!)

Arguably the raciest thing on local Dubai TV in the 90's was the long running soap, The Bold and the Beautiful, yet not a single kiss was broadcasted over the course of its long, long run. It was pretty much all left to your imagination what happened between Brooke and Ridge. Makes you wonder how they ended up filming scenes of Brooke's wedding (was it no. 8? I lost count...) in Dubai and if the groom was even allowed to kiss the bride. (I'm sure someone rode in on a camel to interrupt the whole wedding anyway...)

The cast of B&B in Dubai just this year

Listening to the radio is mostly a fill in the blanks exercise. What's funny is that when you finally download and listen to the original uncensored version, you can't decide if you really like it.

Meh

Somehow sounds a bit better, doesn't it?

Movies are the most flabbergasting (flabbergasting, now that's a word you don't see too often!). I waited eighteen years to finally watch an R rated movie in Dubai. And when I finally did, everything was censored, which pretty much made it as G rated as, well, Puss in Boots, but even that wasn't good enough for Dubai.

Trying to research online for a topic that's a bit risque would be a landmine of trying to not see this on your screen:

So with all this in mind, you can say that everyone here is a bit over cautious when it comes to posting something online. 

For example, popular Dubai tweeter, @dubainameshame, began tweeting in 2011, naming and shaming bad driving and bad customer service in Dubai, however, was soon was curbed by Dubai Police when made aware of Dubai's strict libel laws which protect individuals and businesses against slander.

Even as an avid social media user, I've made a few mistakes; in real life, it's a lot like having foot in mouth disease where you think you're saying something completely innocent, and then realising you've said something completely inappropriate. 

Recently, while I was driving with a friend who's new to Dubai, she casually enquired, "What's with that yellow worm I see all over Dubai?" At first I was confused, but then I realised what she meant.

Modhesh, an anthropomorphised, constantly perky sun, mascot of the DSS (Dubai Summer Surprises)

I was amused and posted the anecdote on Facebook, tagging her.

A few hours later, she anxiously messaged me to take the post down, because it might be insulting to the creators (who, incidentally, are quite aware of the mascot's confusing appearance. Read more here.) I subsequently took the post down. 

Freedom of speech/freedom of the press is a constant query in the region, and there are laws and restrictions on what you can post and what you can't. Journalists are aware of the nuances in Dubai (not posting about alcohol drinking - it's done tactfully saying "sip of grape" or "have a few", for example), but what about the general public, people using social media, or clueless bloggers out there (me, mostly).

It's a matter of trial and error, but what if it's an error that brings a trial upon you? (Cheesy wordplay, please forgive me.) 

So a few tips:

1. It's a good rule of texting thumb to never swear on social media, or find more creative ways of doing so. 

2. If you spot a bad driver on the road, never post their picture online, send their details to Dubai Police directly. They have Lamborghinis, they'll be a lot faster at catching the crook. 

3. Look up the laws in Dubai, and brush up every now and then if you're an expat, or even if you're a local. Be a geek  good citizen.

4. Ask someone else read what you post before it goes out and if it's alright.

5. A good question to ask yourself is "Could I say that to my grandmother?" Another one would be, "Could I look someone in the eye and say this word for word and not cringe?"

6. But most probably, if you have to ask, it's usually not safe to post.

7. Social media attacks are kinda lame. Find something better to do with your time. 

8. It's freedom of speech, not freedom to be a d-bag.

9. Before chiming in, do your research, check newspapers, blogs and social media. You can get an idea which ideas are cray-cray, and which are sound.

10. Don't be afraid to speak! Ever! I'm proud of living in this city, you get to hear so many different ideas from different cultures; it shapes your world view in a much more interesting way than if we were constantly censoring ourselves and conforming to cookie-cutter statements.

So anyway, in retrospect, I can understand why the Modhesh post could have been taken the wrong way, but I'm still on the fence about whether it's really that bad. If it was posted about in Dubai's press, it clearly can't be that controversial, which prompted me to write this blog post in the first place.

I'm quite curious to hear your thoughts on the subject, you can talk to me on Facebook, Twitter or in the comments below!

The Perks of being a Dubai Blogger

I don't know if I'm the only one who shys away from doing new things, maybe due to fear of failing, out of sheer laziness, or just being... shy,  but I do tend to make a lot of excuses to not do things.

Cancelling plans and staying home to stay in bed is my crack.

I'm someone whose natural instinct is to curl up and read a book or just binge-watch (and eat) my way through 5 seasons of Parks and Recreation. Most days I'm just like:

So I'm telling myself to (you've probably guessed the reference from the title of the post already) stop being such a wallflower. (If you don't get the reference, you need to get out more.)

It's always good to put yourself more out there.

What brought about this epiphany? I had the best day yesterday, where I got to do bloggy things, like review the new menu for Hard Rock cafe (it's fab - you should try the Oreo cheesecake and the savoury milkshakes!) and went for the Walk of Shame movie premier (really cute chick flick!). Also, I ended up winning a competition through my movie trivia skills (I mean, really, I thought everyone there would know that Elizabeth Banks was Effie in The Hunger Games, but apparently not!), and walked away with 2000 dirham diamond jewellery. DIAMOND. JEWELLERY.

I mean, if that's not the universe telling me I should get out more and stop shying away from blogging more, I don't know what is.

So get out there, join a yoga class, learn how to paint, learn a new language (you always said you'd want to learn Arabic!)

Dubai is your oyster.

If it all gets too much, you can always join Twitter and find people online you like more than people in real life.

(This post is a little Hallmark-y, I know, but what can I say, you're on a blog called "Easy as pie in Dubai")

Let me know what's going on with you on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook! 

Dating in Dubai: An experiment with smartphone app Tinder.

A week ago, I bought a new phone at Gitex, after years of putting up with my Crapberry, I decided it was time to step into the 21st century with a smartphone that was actually smart. I went in and bought the Samsung S4 and was extremely pleased with myself.

Friends and family would later tell me, "But you didn't get a good deal, you just got the phone. Why didn't you get any accessories or extras?"

I just wanted the phone, why is that suddenly socially unacceptable? I even forked out extra for longer warranty because I get attached to my things, case in point, my phone is now named "Purp" (It's purple. I know, I suck at naming things. Don't let me name your child.)

Two decades ago, people probably would've been satisfied with that, and living with the same phone model to last a life time. 

Not anymore.

Which is probably everyone's approach to dating here.

Dubai, being the transient city that it is, is a very hard place to date. In a culture where we're bombarded with flashy, and the latest and greatest, it's pretty hard to be happy with what we have, and we're always looking for the very best. Did Dubai settle having the Trade Center being the tallest building? Nope, it went for the Burj Khalifa. 

Which probably explains the popularity of social app, Tinder, in Dubai. I heard about it about from Dubai blogger Clare and the City's post.

Basically you sign in through Facebook, choose 5 of your best pictures to have on your Tinder profile, and then your GPS is set to target people in your area. After you fiddle with the age target settings, you have a veritable pool of fish to hook up.

And you sort of eliminate guys like this:

Unless you're into that, then there's always Facebook inbox messages like this:

But I digress. The app is simple enough to use.

Swipe left for "NOPE", right for "Meh, why not." Easy as pie.

And then you're faced with the duck faces, mirror poses, deep V necks, sunglasses in car pictures, flexing at the gym, and triangle arms.

What everyones profile picture screams.

So ultimately you're right back where you started after one hour of swiping you've eliminated all potential matches in a 15 mile radius and you realise you're probably going to be single forever.

NOPE

Well, not completely true, I did make one match, thought it was going pretty great, but then got stood up, and proceeded to write this blog post. So that's the worst that could happen.

I'm kind of over it now.

At least I didn't get chopped up into little pieces, put into black garbage bags, taken out on his yacht (he had a yacht - that should've tipped me off, guys who have yachts are douches) and dumped into the ocean.

So there's a bright side!

To be honest, yeah it pretty much sucked, but I guess you're supposed to go through stuff like this and the point is putting yourself out there blah blah blah.

Or I could just get a cat or five. Who needs a man when you have 5 cats?!

Grab a pint of ice-cream and feel free to share your Dubai dating disaster woes in the comments below or on Twitter or Facebook.